This is my first blog post in my new blog. I created this blog, like it says in my profile, because I’m a recovering anorexic and counting calories is triggering to me. But I didn’t really go into why I feel like I need to lose weight/tone up/get healthier. So I’ll do that now.
I have struggled with food, my weight and body image as long as I can remember. Even when I was really little I was strange about food; I thought that anyone who offered me food, beside my mother and her mother, was trying to poison me so I wouldn’t eat at friends’ houses or at restaurants. My issues with food just got worse after my mom died when I was eleven — I remember thinking that if she can’t eat anymore then I shouldn’t, either. All those things plus the climate at home created the perfect environment to breed an eating disorder. Over the years it got worse and I was obsessing with calories and I had food types that were okay to eat and others that weren’t.
Finally, I’m to the point where I have a more healthy relationship with food, even though my body image issues are still there and I still have days where I don’t want to eat and have obsessive thoughts about food and calories.
Back in mid April 2010, I severely injured my toe and could barely walk for several months. It took nearly a full year to heal. In that time I managed to put on twenty pounds, when I had already been wanting to lose around 10 or so before I injured my toe (I weighed around 125lbs before I injured my toe). That was really upsetting to me. After my toe healed, I bought myself a peddler (typically used for rehab after surgery or an injury; very popular with the elderly too) and started working out. I worked up to a hour of peddling a day plus some situps and stretching. I’m also trying to eat healthier because I recently discovered that I’m pre-diabetic and want to nip that in the bud.
And I’m doing all of this without counting calories and while closely monitoring how it’s affecting my mental help. Which is apparently a foreign concept to the weight loss and fitness crowd; all the weight-loss help websites I’ve found talk about how you HAVE TO count calories and you HAVE TO eat less than you burn a day or you WILL NOT EVER get down to your goal weight, much less lose any significant weight. I think this frame of thinking is wrong because I don’t think that calorie counting is the end-all-be-all of fitness and weight loss or eating healthy. I think it’s entirely possible to lose weight, eat healthy, and get healthier without counting calories and triggering my eating disorder.
So, yeah, that’s why I decided to start this blog and what this blog will be about.