I peddled really hard and aggressively today for a hour and a half and overdid it. I was not in a very mentally healthy place when I started my workout today and I kept getting more and more angry over things as I went, which meant that I worked out until my fiance took the peddler from me. I’m sure I burned tons of calories but it was not healthy and I felt sick to my stomach afterward.
It’s hard being someone who struggles with anorexia when it comes to trying to lose weight in a healthy way. It’s very easy to fall back into old mentalities that made you sick in the first place and today was one of those days. I’m not going to put myself down for it or feel like I failed or anything; it happened and at least I’m well enough to see what was going on so I can learn from it and fix it.
Hopefully my experience in falling off the recovery-wagon for a few hours today and how I plan to deal with that will help anyone else who is reading this and deals with food and weight and body image issues.
From now on, I’m not going to use exercise as a way to force myself to go mentally numb. I don’t think that using it to work though aggression or anger is a bad thing but I way overdid it today and in the future I will be working hard on monitoring my mental state as I work out and stop myself before I get to the point where I’m dripping sweat everywhere and barely able to breathe because I pushed myself too far.
Tomorrow I will go back to what I have been doing for the last two months and peddle for a hour (20 minutes forward/backward, 20 minutes the opposite way, 10 minutes the first way, and 10 minutes the other way), 10 jackknives (I do the situps and also these ones that make you look like a circus seal), then some yoga/stretching for five minutes. I drink water throughout to keep myself hydrated and then I eat a sandwich after I’ve cooled down. This has been mentally healthy for me for two or so months now and I will be striving to keep that up, rather than letting my eating disorder and other problems take over and work me until I get sick again.