Eating Disorder Insensitivity

So, I was chatting to someone that I hadn’t chatted to in a long time. We were catching up and I mentioned the tattoo I got for my birthday (in my mom’s honor). And he asked to see a picture. So I linked to my flickr account. Then he started paging around my feed a bit and he said, “ur [sic] bigger now.  fatter i saw a pic for [sic] u” I called him out on it but it still was really insensitive and hurt.

Stuff like this is why I’m very uncomfortable taking pictures of myself. People are so rude and downright mean-spirited about it if you gain weight, even the smallest amount. People are so strange and ill-tempered about weight. It’s something I did in the past but am trying very hard to fix and correct.

Just because someone is heavier than you, personally, are comfortable with does not diminish their worth.


6 thoughts on “Eating Disorder Insensitivity

  1. I wish I could like this about a thousand times over!

    Recently on Facebook I posted that I’ve lost all the weight a medication caused me to gain and that I almost look like a semi-pro swimmer again. My sister, who has recently been diagnosed with CFS/ME, responded saying that her pain meds make her fat and she’ll just have to be “the heavy sister”.

    I could have kicked myself. She’s a big, curvy girl and D and I both think she looks great (“big” suits her far more than it ever suited me) and we both boggled when she was told by a doctor that she’s “morbidly obese” (the hell she is). I love her figure so much that it never once occurred to me that she might find it depressing.

    I made a breakthrough last week by not comparing myself to a girl who – it was quite painfully obvious – also is suffering from an eating disorder. I felt only pity and concern, and silently willed her to get better; I knew that if I spoke to her about it that would mean mortally wounding her emotionally.

    And anyway, shouldn’t people be *congratulating* you for gaining a few pounds?

    • Oh, your poor sister. It’s a terrible thing to not feel comfortable in your own skin. Also, I’ve said it before but I’m going to say it again, the BMI is bull and it’s what doctors use to decide what is “obese” or what isn’t. All the standards for that are set by life insurance companies, by the way.

      That is a big breakthrough for you! That was a huge turning point for me too. I hope the person you’re talking about finds a way to beat this evil thing.

      You would think so but people often do not.

      • It’s sad; she’s gone from flaunting her curves to feeling trapped by them – I remember how that feels. Sadly, unlike me, she doesn’t have other medication options to try and she’s always in too much pain now to be as active as she used to be.

        On LJ I have a couple of friends with bulimia and one more with anorexia. Every time they report weight gain I congratulate and encourage them. Every time one of them takes a step backwards, I gently remind them of the goals they are trying to achieve.

        I hope that girl beats it too. She can’t have been more than early 20’s, but in many ways she looked so much older. I wanted to go and hug her, but of course I can’t do that because then she knows that someone has noticed something she might have been trying to hide.

      • That really is sad. I feel for your sister. I’m sure she is beautiful.

        I try to gently encourage my friends who suffer from eating issues too. It’s a fine line to walk, between being encouraging or nagging.

        Hopefully someday soon someone will talk to her. It’s so hard to see the beast in yourself. Sometimes people have to point it out to you repeatedly before you realise they’re right.

  2. talanahimana says:

    That guy was a douche! My lifelong best friend has struggled with anorexia. At one point, she basically had it licked. She was managing to eat and to take care of herself and she was at a really good and healthy weight for her. Then the asshole that she was with basically triggered it all over again. And then he’d basically bitch at her to eat and would not get a clue that that’s not how it works with an anorexic. I wanted to shank him so badly >.<

    She's long since left him, but it's still an uphill battle, though she's progressing bit by bit. When I first got to see her again after finally getting to come back home to Colorado back in December, she was between 110 and 115 — basically a dangerous point on the brink of needing to be hospitalized — and she's managed to climb up to about 125 or so?

    • He’s from Lebanon. Part of me wonders if it might be some cultural thing but, yes, it was INCREDIBLY insulting and insensitive. I chewed him out for it.

      I’m glad your best friend got away from that ex. He sounds like bad news. I hope she continues to recover and heal from it. It really does just take one person saying something like that to bring all those thoughts and impulses back.

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