Dill Pickle Dip

I saw this recipe in a food group I belong to on Facebook. I asked the author permission to share it and they said yes.

Dill Pickle Dip

By Olivia Callaway

1 8oz block of cream cheese softened
1/4 cup of yellow onion
1/4 cup of dill pickles
Dried dill flakes
(Pickle juice added to reach desired consistency)

She says she used something similar to a Slap Chop to chop up her onion and about 5 spears of pickles. The picture she posted had pretzel rods as the dip vehicle so I think it’d work lovely with crackers, hard pretzels, veggies, really I think the sky’s the limit here.

Chest Binding And Body Image

This post contains discussion of gender dysphoria, body dysmorphic thoughts, and eating disorder thoughts. Read at your own discretion.

My 28th birthday is coming up and I’ve been trying to think of what I might like for it. But, unfortunately, everything I’ve thought of costs around $100 and we just can’t afford it. Then I remembered that I had a binder bookmarked and I’d heard really good things about it. It’s from GC2b, which is supposed to be more comfortable than other binders on the market ’cause they’re actually designed for AFAB* non-binary/tans folks. And their most expensive option at the largest size is only $40, made in the USA. So I’m thinking about that.

However, I’m concerned because I weigh a lot more than I thought I did (more than ten pounds more). I know this because my doctor’s office now gives you these visit summaries and I saw my weight on one of them ’cause I was looking at it. I’ve told them before that I have an eating disorder and I turn my back when they take my weight so I’m really upset about it. Should probably file a complaint about it but I have other, bigger things I need to complain about.

Anyway, because of that, my body dysmorphic thoughts have been worse. And my stomach isn’t anywhere near flat. The binders only bind the chest so I’m afraid I’d look really beer-bellied and I’m afraid it would be more damaging to my body image than helpful. However, my breasts really bother me on a gender dysphoric level and I’m not sure what to do about it. I’ve wondered about top surgery but I had a really traumatic surgery in July and I’m just not sure if I’ll ever be able to put myself through it again, not to mention the financial cost (most insurers do not cover gender affirmation treatments like surgeries or hormones here).

So, I guess I’m stuck. I need to do more thinking but I feel really stuck about it. Real conflicted.

*Assigned Female At Birth

Ten Things Not to Say to Someone with Anorexia


I used to hear, “you weigh too much/you’re too muscular to have anorexia” when I was really sick. I was an athlete, though, and was OBSESSED with making sure I could keep doing my sport ’cause it was my escape. It was really hurtful when people would say stuff like that to me ’cause I was very sick and it made me feel challenged to “do better” about not eating.

Originally posted on Rose with Thorns:

Mario eating food Mario eating a S’More

While slipping into anorexia, I was rewarded with compliments from family, friends, and strangers. Our society associates losing weight with health and happiness. However, eating disorders show that this is often not the case.

Instead of blaming those who made unhelpful comments to me, I want to make a list of common but detrimental phrases people often say to someone struggling with anorexia. One of the main things to remember is to not focus on someone’s weight. If you feel the need to compliment a friend, affirm a characteristic that you admire or something that he or she has done recently. Otherwise, if you really how that person looks, then choose another aspect of his or her appearance like an outfit, hairdo, or earnest smile. There are so many other ways to encourage someone besides mentioning pounds lost.

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Pasta Salad with Tuna and Peas

So, here’s a recipe I’ve adapted from someone I used to know. It’s really easy to make and pretty cheap, also fairly balanced.  I’m guessing at the amounts used ’cause I eyeball it then taste it as I go.



  • 12 oz multi coloured pasta (Wacky Mac is good but any multi coloured pasta works great)
  • 10 oz canned tuna (we used whole white albacore)
  • ~1 cup mayonnaise or more/less to suit taste
  • 1/2 cup frozen peas
  • 1 tablespoon powdered garlic or more/less to suit taste
  • Juice from half a lemon, carefully seeded

Optionally can add shredded, raw carrots, celery, or any other crunchy veggie that sounds good.

What To Do:

  1. Cook the pasta according to package directions. Immediately drain and rinse with cool water until the pasta is cold. Drain thoroughly.
  2. Put the peas in a colander and rinse with cool water until thawed and soft all the way through. Drain thoroughly.
  3. Open, drain and flake the tuna.
  4. In a large mixing bowl, combine the peas, pasta, optional additional veg, garlic powder, and mayo. Mix until well incorporated.
  5. Put the tuna on top, squeeze the lemon over the top of the fish, and then mix thoroughly.
  6. Taste, adjust mayo/garlic to taste; serve with bread/crackers.

Do let me know if you try it and how you like it. Me, my husband and father have this pretty often.

End of the Road or Change in Topics?

I’m not sure what to do with this blog anymore. While I still struggle with my ED, it’s not been a primary focus in about a year ’cause I’ve been concerned with other things, like facing homelessness and chronic illness/pain, and realizations about myself. Plus I had to have a surgery and I’m still pretty messed up from it. Sometimes I think I should just delete this blog ’cause, while I started it in hopes that my words might make people feel less alone, I don’t know what to say anymore that’s even remotely on topic.

I don’t need this blog to be a journal or venting space ’cause I have a semi-private one for that. I do have a couple ideas about what I could write about from time to time but I’m not sure if my audience (if you’re all still there after my repeated unannounced hiatuses) would be interested. I’ve got some recipes to try, could talk more about chronic illness in general… I don’t know.

Thoughts, comments?

DIY Hamburger Helper


This looks really delicious. I’ll have to try it. And I need to make a real post here but I’ve been doing mostly okay on the eating disorder front so I’m not sure what to talk about.

Originally posted on a.feisty.brunette:

I was going to make this, but it’s too hot in the house to use the oven. instead, I rummaged through the cabinets and came up with my own version of cheeseburger macaroni.

You’ll need:
* 2lbs uncooked pasta
* 1lb ground meat
* 14.5oz can diced tomatoes
* seasonings
* onion
* bell pepper
* 16oz jar cheese sauce


The best part is that you can use whatever veggies and seasonings you want. I only used about a forth of a cup of onions and half of a bell pepper but you can use more, less, or something completely different! The seasonings I chose were garlic powder, Italian seasoning, and thyme.

1. Chop veggies. Put them in a skillet with the ground beef. Sprinkle the seasonings over the mixture, add a little water so that the meat doesn’t stick, and brown the meat.

2. While that’s coming, make…

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IMAlive – My Review and Experience Using A Crisis Chat Line

This post contains mentions of self-harm, suicide, homelessness, and disordered eating. Read at your own discretion.

I’m writing and posting my experience contacting IMAlive, a crisis support chatline, to hopefully help people use it if they need to. I almost didn’t contact them, myself, because I didn’t know what it was like. However, this is only my account of the one time I used IMAlive and everyone won’t necessarily have the same experience.

About a month ago, my partner, birds, and me ended up having to sleep in a hotel lobby for a night, not knowing what we were going to do the following night, because our resources to stay in the hotel had run out and we still had no income, despite our best efforts. I had already relapsed on self-injury several times during our stint in that hotel due to the extreme stress we were under, I had lost a significant amount of weight because not only was my ED triggered but we usually couldn’t afford food, and I was fighting suicidal idealizations on a daily basis. That night was one of the hardest of my life and I didn’t get much sleep because a disturbed older man woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me where he could smoke (our state has a ban on indoor smoking in public buildings so I told him he couldn’t and he got irritated with me).

The following morning, we desperately tried to find somewhere, anywhere, to go so we wouldn’t end up on the street in the middle of winter. We didn’t have any word back yet and I was actively planning suicide at that point so I went to IMAlive’s website because I knew I was in crisis.

I’d tried to use them in the past but every time I tried previously they were closed and I never could find hours posted anywhere. But this time I was taken to a page I hadn’t seen before. It asked me to enter my age range, zip code, and gender (I selected “other”). You could remain as anonymous as you can when entering that information or put in your email address. I chose the former.

Within minutes (two or three), I was typing to one of IMAlive’s trained volunteers who called themselves Alex. They asked what they could call me and I told them my name. They also asked about my situation, how I was feeling, and generally just listened and offered support. I could tell they had been trained in how to deal with people in crisis and that made me feel better, especially because I tried another chat service (NOT a crisis line) that left me feeling less than helped at the end since the people on that service weren’t trained.

I don’t remember the details of what we chatted about but I felt more hopeful by the end and Alex asked me if I would like it if they sent me a followup email in a few days. I said yes and they asked for my email address, which I supplied.

My friend helped us get into a new hotel that evening and then a couple days later, Alex emailed me to see how things were. I updated them but didn’t hear back; I’m unsure if that’s policy or what.

So, that’s my review of my experience using IMAlive. I hope this might help someone feel more comfortable using the service who otherwise might not because they don’t know what it’s like. Please, please, if you’re thinking of hurting yourself, contact IMAlive or another crisis line. You’re worth than you think you are in those moments.